Mom Worries If Sending Daughter To Room Without Dinner Was Too Much For Her ‘Insults’

One mother shares that her 9-year-old daughter has been ‘testing boundaries’ lately with her husband. They never get physical to punish and educate their girl, but they hear her saying ‘rude, insulting things out of the blue’ lately. Until here, it actually seems pretty normal unless your child is home-schooled. They pick up habits, behaviors, and new words from just about anyone, like their friends at school.

The mom continued, “These comments range from critiques on clothing to criticisms of weight or other physical features. Insulting statements that my husband and I would never say about anyone, ever.”

The parents still tried to make sure she holds these thoughts and always pull her to the side to talk about how they can be hurtful to people. So far, so good. Parenting a 9-year-old in the middle of a pandemic can never be easy indeed. But the mom finally snapped when she received a comment she could not accept about the dinner she made.

AITA for sending my daughter to bed without dinner?

Tonight I got home from work early and decided to cook dinner and let my husband sleep in (he works nights and usually cooks dinner due to our schedules). I made beef stew from scratch. Nothing fancy, but we all enjoy it. I seasoned it as I always do, with salt, pepper, thyme, and a bay leaf. I felt good about cooking for my family, and didn’t even take the time to change out of my work scrubs before I began. My husband woke up to the smell of stew cooking, and he was so happy about the surprise. Evelyn even said it smelled good.

Then we began to eat. It was good, tasted just like always. My husband complimented it. Then Evelyn chimed in. “No offense Mom, but this stew is really bitter. Maybe next time only use half a bay leaf.” I stared at her for a good 10 seconds, my jaw on the floor. I had just worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital and come home to cook her dinner from scratch, only to have her insult my cooking. I honestly wasn’t sure how to react. I was hurt and angry, but I don’t like to raise my voice, and just talking to her about these statements in the past hasn’t changed her behavior.

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Just so adults can relate, imagine getting told by your boss you don’t get to have lunch because he didn’t like your comment about how a certain thing was done. Regardless of the comment, you don’t have to be a lawyer to sue said boss because he’s depriving you of your basic needs. Much less a parent whose obligation is to provide the child with basic needs such as food.

One commented, “Sustenance is a requirement, not a privilege. YTA for how you chose to correct this.”

Another pointed out how this can be the beginning of eating disorder, writing, “This is how people end up with unhealthy attitudes towards food. Binging when they have the freedom to eat, and purging when they don’t believe they deserve food.”

Another added his insight about the child’s comment, “This is actually biology at work. From 9 to roughly 13, kids’ tastebuds are changing, and they often become more sensitive to certain things, one of which is bitterness. On top of that, girls are even more likely to prefer sweeter flavors and dislike bitter notes. You have roughly 1/3 of the working tastebuds she has, so it is entirely possible she tasted something bitter – and even if it’s a little bit, it would appear amplified to her.”

One wrote, “You are her parent. This is part of the deal. Maybe you need to work less or improve your self-care or read ‘Burn Out,’ but it’s not okay to take out your tiredness and frustration on your kid.”

Thankfully, the mom updated that she had a nice chat with her daughter and apologized for her unfitting punishment.

I had a long talk with Evelyn when I got home tonight. I told her I shouldn’t have sent her to bed without dinner, and I apologized and asked for her forgiveness. I asked her why she made her comment, if she really did taste something bitter in the stew? She started crying and said the stew wasn’t bitter. She said she wasn’t even sure what bitter tasted like (lol). I asked why she said it was bitter then?

She said she saw the bay leaf in the pot when she served herself, and she thought it would be funny to tell me it made the stew taste bad. She apologized for making it up. I asked if she wanted me to feel bad, and she said she didn’t know.

After a very long and loving, gentle conversation, I think the real root of the problem is that she’s having trouble adjusting to my long hours while I’m working double shifts and finishing up school. I think she was trying to get my attention, one way or another. Moving forward I told her I’m going to try to give her the positive attention she needs before she feels like she has to resort to getting negative attention. And we agreed we will try to give each other grace through the process. Our relationship is intact, and hopefully will grow stronger as she watches me learn from my mistakes.

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