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Woman Lists 14 Awful Things No One Tells You About Having A Miscarriage

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Woman Lists 14 Awful Things No One Tells You About Having A Miscarriage

The phase is so lonely, and the recovery is longer than imagined.

Kristen Moore has a child who was conceived via IVF. She and her husband had tried for seven years before getting their first positive pregnancy test through IVF, after laparoscopy and rounds of insemination. Kristen’s latest miscarriage came after a shocking natural pregnancy. 

Miscarriage and the complex feelings associated with it often create a silent atmosphere that leaves those experiencing it feeling alone.  

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She was 13weeks along by the time she had the D&C [ a procedure that clears the uterine lining after miscarriage]. She was almost 12weeks when she couldn’t find the heartbeat despite hearing it several times before and had even gotten the all-clear on genetic tests. 

But thankfully, Kristen R. Moore has shared what she learned about miscarriage having gone through one.

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As anyone would’ve reacted, Kristen kept telling people because the tests were all good. However, the New-York has launched a list of things no one tells you about having a miscarriage. Kristen has pointed out just how expensive it can be, claiming she paid over $1000 for her miscarriage and that they didn’t inform her it would cost much to lose a baby.

Kristen Revealed The Unknown To Her Hundreds Of Thousands Of Followers On Twitter, Sharing Her Experience Amid Grieving The Loss Of Her Pregnancy.

“We have good insurance. So, the $1200+ bill was a shock. And that amount doesn’t include the copays, the costs of all the meds, the cost of prenatal care, etc. It was paying the bill that prompted me to post about the experience on Twitter. We have enough money to incur a surprise bill like that now. But a few years ago, that would have sent us into a financial tailspin,” Kristen told BuzzFeed

The New York-based Talked About How Healing After Having A Miscarriage Takes Quite Some Time.

Kristen Said There’s A Complete Lack Of Support From Healthcare Professionals When It Comes To Miscarriages. 

She added: “Here’s what I think; we need post-partum doulas to support miscarriages. I didn’t realize there are some folks (like Shyana Broughton with Our Mommie Village) who do that, who will come to sit with you while you grieve.”

She Also Revealed The Medical Professionals Often Provide Little To No Information About Post Miscarriage And Recovery.

Kristen Experienced A Situation Where A Pharmacist Refused To Give Her Information About How To Use A Medication Vaginally, Which She Needed To Do To Pass Her Miscarriage.

And This Is Because Most Pharmacists Are Unaware You Have A Miscarriage When You Come In To Get The Medication.

“My pharmacists didn’t know what was going on to require the meds, and my midwife doesn’t have full access to the local hospital systems, which prevented her from being able to locate a range of D&C options for me.” 

As Someone Who Had Infertility Issues, Kristen Experienced Lots Of Anxiety Around Having A Natural Pregnancy.

Miscarriage Can Be So, So Lonely!

And The Recovery Is Longer Than Most People Imagined.

“All the literature says that you’ll be back to work or able to return to normal life within 24 hours. That’s crap.”

The Spouse Of Those Who Experience Miscarriage Also Feel The Pain Yet It’s Often Unacknowledged.

“My husband adds that the miscarriage experience was traumatic and long for him too. And unexpectedly so. He needs/needed those conversations as much as I did and do.”

Having A Miscarriage In Your Second Trimester Doesn’t Mean The Body Will Immediately Goes Back To Not Looking And Feeling Pregnant.

After A Miscarriage, People Might Say The Wrong Thing To You.

“We need to be having more conversations about the experiences of miscarriage and fertility. The responses were heartbreaking evidence that we are mostly alone as we wade through this.”

Hurtful Remarks Will Come From Those Who Think They Are Assisting.

But There Will Be Special Healthcare Professionals And People Who Will Make You Feel At Ease.

“My doctors and nurses modeled an ethic of care that I think is useful. The surgeon started by asking me, ‘How are you? And acknowledge this must be hard. That sounds very simple, but the difference between beginning there and just jumping into protocol/procedure was marked for me.”

When It’s Over, You’ll Be Left To Navigate Emotions And Trauma; Unlike Anything, You’ve Ever Suffered.

“I believe we should implement comprehensive healthcare reform, especially for women. Healthcare reform should include post-miscarriage support, including time off after birth and miscarriage, therapists/doula support, and a more holistic approach to training medical professionals dealing with this kind of loss. This might include an articulation of the complexities [ physical and emotional] of recovering from miscarriage and birth. 

“But importantly, you shouldn’t have to have a ton of money in order to receive this support. The way that class inequities shape patient care is indisputable, and those inequities intersect with other forms of inequity, like race and gender. So Black and trans patients are likely to struggle to get the care they deserve in miscarriage situations (among others). We can and should do better.”

After reading through Kristen’s experience, Dr. Erica Montes hopes medics treat their patients with empathy.

BuzzFeed reached out to OB-GYN Erica Montes for more details hinged on miscarriages. She revealed it was sad to hear the negative feedback Kristen experienced with healthcare professionals and hopes medics treat their patients with empathy. 

She urged doctors to let patients know all expectations, possibilities, and provide resources for support.

As an OB-GYN, Dr. Montes thinks it’s also essential to think about the patient as a whole, physically and mentally, while letting patients know all expectations and possibilities and providing resources for support to feel more prepared. 

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