Kanika Batra may have seemed like an attention seeker and a disloyal partner to some others when she said she cheated and did not feel guilty. The former finalist of Miss World Australia 2019 shares, however, that she’s felt no remorse for the things she did for attention and praise because she could not feel them.
The 26-year-old influencer shares that she has NPD or narcissistic personality disorder.
Speaking to SBS Insight, the model and author talk about how she mitigates the negative impact of her borderline sociopath behaviors.
“When I get positive comments, it’s wonderful, and I do feel them – but they don’t tend to stay with me. They are very fleeting. However, if I do start getting insults, those do really hurt more than I could possibly explain.”
“I have irrational reactions sometimes when I feel the narcissistic supply draining – I’m so used to external validation that I don’t know how to produce internal validation,” she explains.
“I’m hot-tempered, so sometimes I’ll burn bridges I don’t need to, and I will do really reckless, impulsive things like spend all my money.”
Batra was joined by many individuals who share insights about their narcissistic behaviors. Similar to others in the room, Batra said that she couldn’t feel guilt or remorse for many things she did that people normally find problematic, such as cheating.
“It’s not something I was born with. It’s not something I’ve ever experienced – but I feel like that doesn’t make me a bad person.”
Now engaged to Sam, Batra admitted that she’s cheated on her previous relationships three times and that was why they all failed. But her act of betrayal did not come with guilt for her. She shared, “I just didn’t have that sort of regard for that person because it didn’t make me feel bad to see somebody else.”
“It didn’t make me feel guilty.”
“I didn’t get home and then like, not sleep at night because I had betrayed somebody. It’s easy for us to switch that part off [and] compartmentalize.”
Dr. Zhen Zhan who treats patients with NPD shares that narcissism basically is followed by “feeling grandiose, feeling lack of empathy, and a need of constant admiration.”
She started seeing a psychiatrist to help manage her disorder as she was starting to do extreme things and shared, “The main difference is that now I do respect my partner.”
“I do understand that his needs need to be met as well as my own.”
“I feel satisfied with life, I feel that I’m doing adequately well, but I don’t think I experience happiness in the same way a neurotypical would,” the Miss Earth applicant shared. “With all of the stigma and all of the hatred that’s shoved down your throat, I like to give myself a chance.”
She shared how she grew up as the worst teenager and would bully others. And as she got into relationships, she might come off as obsessive or dedicated just to get people’s attention.
“We don’t really know how to control ourselves in that sort of way so all we do is we message you to find out everything about you, and we want to see you all the time – that’s just how we kind of get to feel what this relationship will be.”