Wonder
‘I Became A Mum At 11 – My Family Were Ashamed But I Refused To Have An Abortion’
She found her own happiness, but it all started out really hard.
Felicia Davey is 35 years old and a grandmother, a shocking fact that a lot of people find hard to believe. But what’s even more unbelievable was the fact that the woman from Mississippi gave birth to her first child at the age of 11.
Samantha was born 12 days before she turned 12.
“Finding out I was pregnant was the most terrifying news, especially at that age. My parents had taken me to a clinic, where staff immediately went through my ‘options,'” she recalls her scariest moments as a child with Fabulous.
“I didn’t even understand sex or pregnancy properly, and they were talking about abortion. Having people pressure you into something like that was not at all pleasant. I said ‘that’s not something I feel comfortable with’. I’m very pro-life, so to me, it wasn’t an option.”
“I think my parents felt shame and worried ‘what will people think about us?’ But to me, it was bigger than that. It was a decision of life.”
“I was so young, but in some senses, I was way more mature than I should have been. I knew having a child would be hard, but I felt this need to protect her. I decided I wanted to keep my baby and everyone thought it was a terrible idea, but I’ve never once regretted it.”
“I decided I wanted to keep my baby and everyone thought it was a terrible idea, but I’ve never once regretted it.”
Felicia who was 11 went for a sleepover with a friend. She ended up developing a romantic relationship with her friend’s older brother who was 14. She admitted that she may have been looking for “love” and “didn’t grow up in the best home.”
“My mum was in and out of my life and my dad worked a lot, so I was primarily raised by my paternal great-grandmother, who was in her 80s,” she shared. Felicia was on a streak with her straight As, yet “didn’t have a good definition of, relationships, or inappropriate behavior.”
Samantha, who is now 23 years old, is Felicia’s “best friend.” But she had to move to a foster family to be raised by her mom.
“My dad’s mum was 13 when she had him and he was raised by his grandparents,” Felicia shared. “I didn’t want this continuous cycle.”
After having Samantha, she had to survive on food stamps and government assistance while being labeled a “high school dropout.” Rumors were also going around that it was her dad who caused the pregnancy, even though that wasn’t the case.
“When you have a child who’s that young, people want to believe it’s abuse because it’s easier than the truth – that this can happen.”
“Everyone thinks ‘not my child, it couldn’t happen to me’ and the reality is there’s exposure to sex everywhere, whether it’s at home, at school, with friends, even with TV and social media.”
“I think it’s really important for parents to be open with their kids, which is why I’m telling my story. I take responsibility for what happened, I knew what I was doing but I didn’t understand the consequences of having sex. And I was not emotionally mature enough to handle the fallout.”
Her mother failed the drug tests after repeated social worker visits which sent Samantha and Felicia to a foster family.
Eventually, Felicia finished her studies at the age of 17. She shared, “I wouldn’t change anything about my life or any experiences I’ve had. But I did miss out a lot.”
“When strangers would see me with Samantha, they didn’t understand. People just thought we were sisters and still to this day, when we go out in public, people say ‘there is no way you are mother and daughter.’ Nowadays I feel flattered, but it was super hard going through middle school with a baby.”
“I kept my head down or tried to make people laugh – humor became how I coped. I tried to stay positive because I realized ‘if I don’t laugh right now, I am going to break down and cry.'”
Felicia took her daughter to Child Haven charity, an independent living program.
“I think the nicest way to say is it didn’t work out. It was a very rocky relationship. One of my goals for my kids is to work really hard and not give up on their dreams, even though I gave up on mine. I’m doing pretty well and I really love what I do now. So it all worked out for the best.”
But it’s not the end for her! Now her daughter has her own family with two children, Johnie and Conlee.
“When I found out I was pregnant again, I was terrified. The IUD was supposed to last for 10 years. I felt I was too young to have my tubes tied because I was 25 and might still want kids one day. But four years later, I ended up pregnant. When I found out, I was crying, thinking ‘how could this happen?’”
“We were struggling financially and were not prepared to add another family member. I thought ‘this is going to cost a lot of money. This is going to be very hard.'”
“I didn’t want to take away from my other children – in terms of their happiness, healthiness, and lives overall – but we coped. My last child was the most unexpected but he is the most adorable soul I’ve ever met in my life.”
“Samantha was a bit worried about having children of her own and whether she’d be a good mum.”
“I said ‘you’ve always been such a big help with your siblings and you’re going to be an amazing mother’, which proved to be true. Samantha is my best friend and she’s always been a really big help.”
“But I wanted her to be able to experience her childhood and I was very overprotective of her and my eldest son. I’ve become more lenient with each child because I saw the effects on how strict I was.”
Now at a happier place with her own marriage to her 35-year-old husband, Michael.
Felicia now shares her story on social media, but oftentimes, she would get insults and unsolicited destructive comments.
“There were a lot of negative comments. I would cry and think ‘I’m going to delete this whole account.’”
“But some people commented ‘I would never imagine that happening and I have a child who’s x years old.’ That to me was an open door because I’d always wanted to bring awareness. People never want to think this could happen to your child, but it could.”
