20 Women Who Regret Giving Birth Share Their Reasons Why

Nobody wants to hear that their parents regret giving birth to them. It sounds like the start of a dramatic story of a broken home, except that it’s actually happening around us. And there’s so much stigmatization happening that makes both the children and parents miserable without being able to ever say what they really feel.

The reality is childbirth can be literally lethal and not every woman wants nor deserve to be forced to a position where they have to attempt motherhood. It can wreck one’s body to the point that they can’t remember who they were before that.

With the power of anonymity on Reddit, women poured out their hearts and true feelings about childbirth, and they’re not pretty.

1.

“When I was pregnant we were told there’s a v high chance the baby has down syndrome. I knew someone with ds, a functioning adult, worked as a masseur, and spoke 2 languages, people with downs are happy and delightful.

My son is 19, has severe autism and severe learning disabilities, is completely dependent in every way, can’t do anything for himself, and has to be watched 24/7. We love him wholeheartedly but our lives have always been about him and we have 0 family life. He’s only home because husband is strong enough to change his nappy and when he’s 21 and finishes school he has to go into residential which tears our hearts out because we’ll miss him and he won’t understand why he’s been left in a strange place and cant be home. What will happen when were not there for him?

As much as I adore him with every fiber of my being if I’d known I wouldn’t have gone ahead with the pregnancy. Not because of us but for him.” – aviva1234

2.

“Being made into a walking incubator who must adhere to strict guidelines of how and what to eat and drink, must not have this, or that. How dare I lose weight! Everything I did second-guessed, but when I went for help because of leg swelling, dismissed like it was no big deal (I was in pre-E at the time and the doc refused to see it). Having to have my pelvis reconstructed after walking around for years with my organs barely inside of me and told that there was nothing they would do until I was nearly 40 because “I might have more kids” and the fix they did do in my 20s didn’t fix sh**.

Pain in sex. Being jabbed with chemicals just as the child is birthing because it’s “standard of care.” Being told that I didn’t know anything about pregnancy and childbirth and that I wasn’t in labor (and yet, had the kid less than 3 hrs later). Being treated as a third-class citizen because “we want a healthy baby” but not a healthy mother AND child.

Knowing that my worth to not only my family of origin but to his family, was the crotch drops I made and that I had no value or worth. Learning that I was expendable. That if I didn’t have kids, I was not a real woman anyway.

That as a teen mother, it was assumed I dropped out of high school. That, also as a teen mother, having a stillbirth meant no sympathy other than “at least you’re not a teen mother!” Knowing full well that child services will be used like a hammer against you if you don’t parent the way others see fit.

Gez… society as a whole really firetrucks with a woman of childbearing age.” – fibrepirate

3.

“While I don’t regret having my daughter, I wish I would have spoken up and done things differently. I had a horrible traumatic birthing experience. I went to a large hospital where I was a number, not a name and it was awful.

I still can’t think about it without getting teary-eyed.” – AnyKick346

4.

“Love my son, get on fine with his father. But nearly two decades later I’m still disabled by pregnancy and birth and it’s never going to get better. If I had known then what I know now, etc. (I grow tumors when I’m pregnant, among other not-so-fun aspects. If we had realized it’s a family tendency I would have stayed childless.)” – bopeepsheep

5.

“My kids have inherited mental issues from both parents. We were young and we didn’t know. I just hate to see them suffer.” – fleimarie

6.

“I tore forward, ripped my urethra and clitoris. Permanent nerve damage.

Also developed a bunch of autoimmune diseases in my mid-30s, after 4 pregnancies. The leading theory is that micro-chimerism from the stem cells that stay in your body after pregnancy is a big contributing cause.” – ukiebee

7.

“I love my daughter and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the whole world. I love being a Mom as well.

I regret who I had a child with and how my life was pretty much changed for the worse. I was now tied to my abusive husband and his wacko family.” – dollyprincessb

8.

“I wasn’t prepared to almost die, lose my uterus, or raise a disabled child. I love my son so much, but damn… I never would have chosen this life for him. For any of us. I feel naive and stupid for ever thinking I was ready for this. For convincing my husband we were ready for this.” – koibish

9.

“Having my kids has put me behind at least 10 years professionally. I’m slowly making up some of that time but it is still so hard. Covid has helped in terms of not having to travel but also set me back because of remote learning! Ugh.” – lululamm

10.

“It was the loneliest time in my life and it permanently ties me to the person who contributed the most to that loneliness.

I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and her father is an amazing father to her. But I hate that I have to deal with him still despite being broken up.” – cherrytrashpanda

11.

“I would have my children again, given the choice. But I wasn’t prepared for the way my career would slow because of them. It’s the little things like not being able to travel to conferences. Taking more time off than non-parenting peers due to kids being sick. Etc.

Their dad turned out to be a dumpster fire, the judge prohibited him from even seeing one of the kids. So that didn’t help.

I love the kids and have tried to instill good values, and I am just not as high up the corporate ladder as I thought I could achieve.” – witchbrew7

12.

“I’ll preface this with I love my son with all my heart. I was never prepared for a child with disabilities. We were warned beforehand and we were so sure we’d manage just fine. The part that kills me the most is that my husband deals with it all just fine and I’m a mess. I feel like I was never meant to be a mom, at least to young kids.

I have an 18-year-old that lives with his father that I’ve always been able to relate to and have no problems being a part-time mom to. Maybe I was just never meant to be a full-time parent, which sounds like such bullshit to me. I don’t know. I’m rambling. I’m lonely.” – god_damn_b**ch

13.

“I don’t regret giving birth, but I will absolutely never get pregnant again. My pregnancy was the worst experience I’ve ever had to go through. I practically lived in the hospital with daily IV treatments. I had HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) which causes me to vomit nonstop. I was on a Zofran pump and almost put on a feeding tube. I have PTSD from vomiting so much. I would get an abortion if I ever got pregnant again.” – Flaky_Debate_8296

14.

“If I had more money I would have gone through surrogacy.

Pregnancy does not get along with me, it wrecked my hormones for a while, it’s a hard recovery. Giving birth was hard but what came after was much worse. I had to get on meds because the hormones made me unable to leave my house.

My kids are worth it but the pregnancy stuff sucks.” – dawnrabbit10

15.

“Pre-kids, I was on track for an area manager job, post-kids, the same company tried to pressure me into taking a demotion far below the level of management I was in. Fuck them, I stopped giving a shit about the company I’d given my heart and soul to and walked away.

I now have a great career with a company that actually does some good in the world and values children but it has taken years to actually gain a stable footing on the career ladder again.” – SophieCatastrofeet

16.

“I would’ve hired a surrogate if I were rich. Seriously, pre- and post-natal hormones wrecked me for a few years. Emotionally and physically I was a mess. Overweight, stressed, tired, and moody all the time. Seeing therapists and exercising didn’t really help, it was the hormones. My husband was, and still is, amazingly gracious to me, cuz if I were him I probably would’ve wanted to separate.

My youngest is 6 and I feel like I’m just now getting my life and body back together. My kids are amazing tho so I can’t say it wasn’t worth it.” – speedspectator

17.

“I am tied to an abusive man for the next 13 years or until one of us dies.” – zuklei

18.

“I was too young to have a kid. I love my kid so much, but both of us suffered because I just wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was extremely immature and irresponsible, and I resented not having a normal teenage experience which very quickly turned into crushing depression and anxiety. Honestly, I wish I’d had an abortion and waited until I was older and had my sh** together to even consider becoming a parent. My kid had to grow up with a parent who wasn’t fully grown up, and that sucks.” – cuddlewithyourdemons

19.

“I regret it only for the world my son is inheriting. This society is a pile of dog poo. I regret that he will have a hard time, and there is very little I can do to prevent that. I don’t regret him, just what he will likely suffer.” – Significant-Mood-396

20.

“I would go through it again to get my son but my body isn’t the same. PPD is a wicked witch. I tore and 4 years later I’m still having major issues. My skin down there is thin and if I wipe just a tiny bit too hard I hurt for weeks. It’s terrible. But my son is amazing.” – Pitiful_Speaker7050