Patriarchy is a concept that has existed for hundreds of years, but it wasn’t until in recent decades do people openly talk about what’s wrong with it. Inequality continues to exist, with many people unable to let go of their older values that no more fit in today’s concept of an ideal society.
A therapist shares on TikTok how men are raised and taught in such a way that they “don’t actually like women.”
KC Davis is a licensed professional therapist whose career focuses on the practical approach to dealing with mental health. She’s also the author of the bestselling book “How to Keep House While Drowning”.
“The most eye-opening thing I ever learned about men was from human sexuality class in college where the professor told us that men don’t actually like women,” she began her video.
She continued, “He said that the way that our society socializes boys to “become men” is not to tell them how to be men. It’s just to teach them how to not be women.”
Davis went on to show some examples of phrases that men get told a lot in their life: “Don’t cry. Be a man.” “Don’t be a pu**y. Be a man.” “Don’t be sensitive. Be a man.” “Don’t like those things. Those are girl things.”
“And the tool we use to do that kind of socializing to steer them away from feminine things is shame.”
“You can’t just go your whole life being told that the worst thing you could do is be like a woman and expect to actually like women at the end of that.”
“They are also taught that their sexual attractiveness to women and ability to get women is a status symbol in front of other men,” she adds another point. “So they will sexually pursue women, but they don’t actually like them as people.”
“This is how patriarchal masculinity socializes men, and why shame, violence, and disgust are so intricately linked.”
It is worth noting this isn’t the only reason patriarchy remains strong even in a society that seeks equality ever more vigorously than before. But it is a substantial factor in fostering the patriarchy system, which defines the “rigid dichotomy of gender roles,” according to Terry Real, the Director of the Gender Relations program at the Meadows Institute in Arizona and a renowned relationship therapist.
“Traditionally, men are supposed to be strong and feel independent, unemotional, logical, and confident. Women are supposed to be expressive, nurturant, weak, and dependent,” he continued, adding that they “don’t make anybody happy.”
Terry has worked with many couples, both heterosexuals and same-sex couples, “I’ve seen is that in order to lead men and women into happiness and intimacy… we have to lead men and women out of patriarchy because the old rules were not built for intimacy and happiness.”
He mentions the same thing as KC Davis, “What I’ve seen is that the essence of masculinity is contempt for the feminine.”
“What it means to be a “man” today is to NOT be a girl. Not be feminine. The contempt for the feminine is part of the patriarchal culture.”
Watch the full video below. The video has gone viral with over 2 million views, sparking debates and discussions.