30 Women Whose Parents Projected Their Insecurities On Them Shared Their Feelings

Comments from strangers don’t hurt as most as when they come from those close to us. Especially from our own mothers who are supposed to love us unconditionally. Years of upbringing and receiving these comments changed the way they view life.

Some suffer from body dysmorphia and others have very skewed views on certain subjects, such as marriage, men, and clothes. Reddit user skeleton-hands shared her own experience and asked fellow Redditors this question.

“Did your mother ever make comments to you in your teenage years that you’ve grown up to realize she was bitter and jealous of your youth? How did it stick with you?”

The answers are pretty heartbreaking to read.

1.

“When I was a teenager my mom made all kinds of hurtful comments about my body that probably lead to my long-term eating disorder that she would make jokes about. It’s unclear whether or not she TRULY realized that I was legitimately struggling. She also always had something to say about my breast size bc I’m a DDD and she was an A cup. I must’ve gotten that from my dad’s side of the family. I felt a lot of shame about my body and sex when I was younger but as I age it’s been left in the past and I can see where her hostility was really coming from.” – skeleton-hands

2.

“I hear this. I always remember the day my mom (AA cup) asked me ‘Is there padding in that bra?’ in a kind of surprised way. I was like ‘nope’ (I never wear padded bras – I’ve always been around a D to a double D; my smallest cup was B when I was in the throes of an eating disorder and I don’t like inviting the attention that comes with larger breasts). She was in bed and I was standing above her, and she reached out and poked my t** hard, and said ‘Oh, there’s really not!’ Then, she cupped her own b**bs and looked at mine, and said: ‘Well, yours will fall down. Mine will never fall down.'” – AllyuckUfasuck

3.

“My mom a little, but especially my aunt. All the women in my family are flat-chested. Any time I’d have cleavage showing they’d act like they were getting blinded and tell me to cover up (I’m a C cup so it’s not like I have monster boobs). My aunt lost a bunch of weight and was showing some new ‘makeover’ clothes she bought and said, “YOU could never wear this, your boobs are too big” like it was an insult.

Not long after she claimed to have magically grown from an A to a C cup through her weight loss (which obviously makes no sense but she insisted it was from inhaling air pollutants where she lived). I later discovered she was buying too-big bras and stuffing them with gel pads so she could tell people her boobs had grown.

So catty.” – [deleted]

4.

“My mom always told me she would help me pay for a nose job if I ever wanted one. I grew up thinking I was so ugly and that my nose ruined my face. I now know that I’m not ugly at all, but my nose is still my biggest insecurity.” – iamagiraff3

5.

“My mum would regularly remind me she was thin until she got pregnant with me. She would give me way more food than I could handle and would scream at me if I didn’t eat it all. I was slightly overweight, but she would always tell me I was too thin and that I needed to eat more. I became convinced she was trying to fatten me up to make herself feel better, so I started flushing my dinner down the toilet so she wouldn’t yell at me for not finishing it.

Now I’m approaching my 30s and gaining weight. I’ve been having frequent anxiety attacks because I desperately don’t want to be fat and miserable like she was.” – Catnapper_Sakura

6.

“The one abt looking like “an Eastern bloc wh**e” when I was 12 and had just tried on mascara on my lower lashes for the first time made sure I didn’t really get a grip on makeup until my twenties.

And the one abt looking like “a homeless child on the street” after choosing my own, slightly hippie-style clothes at a flea market at 14 gave me the impression that I just wasn’t a visual person. Lasted until my twenties.” – vili-a

7.

“My mum used to do some modeling and she’d bring it up constantly whenever anyone complimented me. I remember being in my early teens and her putting huge pressure on me to turn out like she did.

Now that we’re well past that and I’m more confident in myself I can tell she was just jealous. But for a few years, I really felt disconnected from her and I couldn’t ever feel comfortable in my own skin” – LucyPetal

8.

“I was going through an episode of depression because I broke up with my abusive boyfriend that I somehow wanted back (very stupid back then), was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams, used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was 21 and weighed 45 kilograms, my bones were showing everywhere and I was literally sick.

When my parents once came to visit me in the city I am studying, she goes “Oh my god, you look so good, skinny and slim like that” and I go “You know, I barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night, right?” then she goes silent for a few moments and she replies “It s going to be fine, just don’t get fat like I got since I was in my 30s.” Then a few months passed and I go home for a few days, I started to gain some weight and felt a lot better. First thing she says to me when she sees me “Oh god, did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms, they’re starting to get chubby!” and I only had 50 kilograms then (I’m 163 cm tall). So I reply “You know I feel better than how I felt a few months ago, I eat regularly and exercise and this is what you tell me?”

She gives me this ugly look and goes “if you get any chubbier no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time, it made me feel pretty”. It wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing, but she was projecting her own insecurities on me and that bothered me very much, I still think about it every now and then…” – uiaana

9.

“Oh my god YES!! I thought I was the only one. I was always underweight as a kid, but I gained some weight around age 12-13 and ended up on the thinner end of “healthy”. My mother would always make snide remarks about my body, like my butt is too big and my thighs are too fat. I was average-sized at most lmao.

I feel like this came from her own insecurities, as she was overweight and my dad would always make degrading comments about her body. Her south Asian culture might also have something to do with it (I’m not trying to be racist or anything here, just my own observation). It really hurt at the time (I had an eating disorder when I was 10-11) but I’ve learned to just ignore her now.” – dumbbitch1234567

10.

“I don’t think my mum ever meant it in a bad way when I was younger, but she’s always commented on how long and thin my legs are. She always said that I “have dad’s legs” and not hers. I think it irks her more nowadays though cos she hates that I wear skinny jeans in my mid 30’s (under “restricting your blood flow” guise – they aren’t that tight) so I know she is jealous of them. I also don’t think it helps that I’m a lot taller than her as well.” – hellsangel101

11.

“My mom kept all her journals from her teen years. She had a very obvious undiagnosed eating disorder, so these journals mostly contained obsessive measurements of her chest, waist, hips, dress sizes, and weight.

She used to get drunk and weigh me to point out how much “less hot and healthy” I was compared to her. She would tell me that I was “wasting the great genes she gave me” by not being thin. Big yikes.

It created an eating disorder, as you might expect.

I also got my belly button pierced in college, and she decided to tell me that she would look even better with a belly button piercing if I didn’t make her have an emergency C-Section.

Any young girls reading this: you are so BEAUTIFUL and worth so much more than your weight or bra size. Don’t let anyone make you think that you aren’t.

Fellow moms of Reddit: your child really pays attention to how you talk about bodies. Do so gracefully and respectfully, because that’s what you and your child both deserve.” – comfycucumber

12.

“At about 16 I was struggling with one of my n**ples inverting… I was terrified and the internet did not help. I confided in my mom & she asked me to see. I took my shirt off and showed her – she laughed in my face. Did not help or console me.

I went to the doctor without her help soon after that.

Even today I am self-conscious about my breasts even though I have no reason to be at all. My brain knows it, but can’t get over what happened. She also used to tell me I was a ‘late bloomer’ well my body hasn’t changed since I was a teen. I’m petite with small breasts… Guess I never bloomed. I f**king hate that term.

Thank goodness I have a supportive partner who tells me my body is beautiful… I’m the shape of a 90s supermodel and that should have never been in style.” – RankNFile17

13.

“My mum straight up told me she was prettier/skinnier/younger looking than me when she was my age. She told my red-headed sister that her hair was ugly (she was a bottle blonde, mousy brown naturally). I regularly heard that she got on public transport as underage when she was in her 20s. That she was anorexic (said proudly btw) in her teens. Ugh, even on her deathbed she was proud of how skinny she was. Due to her illness. It was very important to her to be skinny.” – Itsamemario3007

14.

“My mum was 98lbs when she graduated high school. I was a chunky kid — I had my dad’s genes and when I was pre-pubescent (around 10), I gained 50lbs in a year for seemingly no reason. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of what happened, she was laser-focused on me losing weight. I was 10 years old and keeping a food journal, and my mother monitored everything I put in my mouth.

To this day, she tries to incentivize me to lose weight. I hate shopping with her because even though she’s gained weight, she is a smaller size than I am (also she’s 7″ shorter). If I find something I like that doesn’t come in my size, she’ll buy it for herself and tell me I can have it when I lose enough weight to get to her size.

When I was about 10, right after I gained all that weight, she had me try on her wedding dress. She got married at 29. I was 10. It didn’t fit me. I still remember how terrible I felt about it.” – cookiescoop

15.

“Ah yes, my time to “shine”: once I grew up to become a woman (at least my body was, I was still very much a girl) and the natural insecurities started, my mom started to state that it’s “brave” of me to wear shorts with “my legs”.

I was perfectly normal weight at that time. And even if I weren’t, wtf?? Love me some passive-aggressive backhandedness. Constantly talking about my body, how she always was way slimmer than me (allegedly – coincidentally there were no pictures made of her during that time). One Christmas, I celebrated with friends and told her happy and excitedly “I ate sooo much”, to which she responded, “Yea, we can see that”. And it continued on and on. Once I fully realized her behavior I told her to shut the f**k up. It helped but only for a short period of time. I got diagnosed with a thyroid condition to which she said “I saw that your neck was swollen/fat a while ago but I didn’t want to say anything because you are so sensitive…”

Wow, the one time where it could’ve been relevant to point a change in my body out and it’s of course my fault.

I still feel the effects of that, I seek out therapy to develop a better sense of self and to relate to my body more again. Thanks for asking, it’s nice to put my story into the world.” – littlemamba321

16.

“When I was 12 and in 7th grade, I had this pair of shorts that I loved. They were sparkly and purple and I wore them constantly.

My mom would take them and put them on often and would brag constantly to everybody about she can fit into my shorts. But these shorts fit me when I was still child-like, so when I would later that year go through a growth spurt and gain 20 lbs, it made me insanely insecure that my mom could still fit into them but I no longer could. And once I couldn’t fit into them anymore, she gleefully took them from me and continued bragging about how she could fit into them.

Looking back now at age 31, I realize that my mom had some serious body image issues. I also think she was dealing with an eating disorder at the time. Either way, it was annoying AF and I hated the feeling that she was competing with me.” – MiddlingMe

17.

“My mother (and others) used to say I was ugly or said certain things to or about me that made me feel ugly. Obviously, I grew up with major self-esteem and confidence issues, hating the way I looked (I still do to a certain extent).

Looking back at old photos though, me being unattractive was far from the truth. It pains me to think of the many years I spent literally hiding away from the world because of (among other things) anxiety about the way I looked. I am not sure if my mom was actually bitter or jealous… I think she had periods of general unhappiness/discontent with her own life that she took it out on me, putting me down. I never confronted her about her words. We have a better relationship now even though I still struggle with body dysmorphia.” – Metacarpus88

18.

“My mom told me I didn’t have “ballet arms” when I was like six or seven. I quit dancing immediately and have always been self-conscious of my arms.

My mom was a ballerina for like 15 years. I learned recently that when she and her sister were little, a teacher told her sister that she didn’t have ballet arms. I guess it made my mom feel special to have been chosen and she wanted to continue to feel special by putting me down.” – [deleted]

19.

“Yes. My mom has always worn her eye makeup the same way: heavy lower eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow. It doesn’t suit her and makes her eyes look tiny and dark, but it’s what she likes, I guess.

We used to get ready in the bathroom together when I was growing up, so I kind of learned from watching her (though I avoided eyeliner when I was young). But I guess it still wasn’t right because, one day when I was maybe 14, my mom made a comment about HOW I was applying my makeup and that my mascara didn’t look good. It’s such a small comment to make but I’m nearly 30 now, and I still don’t like doing my makeup around anyone (my friends, my boyfriend, etc.) because I feel like I’ll be criticized.

HOWEVER, I think the comment was prompted by her noticing that I didn’t use eyeliner and that teenage me was trying to do something different than what she liked. Because for several years now, she has been complimenting my makeup and asking me to show her how I do it and what products I use, etc. I think maybe she had wanted to try something different with her makeup but never knew how, and became defensive because she didn’t know, but I was younger and did? Does that make sense?” – elegant_road551

20.

“Your mom and my mom were similar. My mom always said I was cute and beautiful and bolstered my physical appearance, but did put a large emphasis on attracting men and she hated her own appearance. So much so that my relationships with men suffered a bit until I went to therapy.” – ArmyOfGrandmas

21.

“I had acne as a teen & I remember she got me a blackhead removal kit as a Christmas gift one year. I spent a literal hour in the bathroom mashing my face with these tools & when I came out & asked if it looked better, she responded “no, I can still play connect the dots on your face.” I went into the bathroom & cried while looking in the mirror before sinking to the floor.” – DovahkiinQahnaarin

22.

“When I struggled with acne as a teen there was a dinner table discussion initiated by my adoptive father about how I “didn’t wash my face, obviously, because only boys get pimples”, then my mom (actually both never had a pimple in their lives while not even washing their faces…) tuning in and me not saying a word.

After about 5 mins I said (emotionless), well I really don’t care.

“Yeah, of course, you wouldn’t. You don’t have to look at yourself, everyone else has to.” ~mum

Didn’t respond, got up, wanted to clean my plate, mum came storming into the kitchen screaming at me what sort of asshole/immature/teenaged whatever I was, while I didn’t say a word, then I said calmly “Someone has to behave like the adult around here”, walked out.

“GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON’T COME OUT, I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU!”

And ever since then, I developed BDD around my skin.” – Curious-Garbage-1998

23.

“When I had my first boyfriend my mum always told me that she was way more experienced in my age and had a higher body count. She also made those comments when my boyfriend was around. It doesn’t really affect me now but back then when I was still a virgin I was definitely worried about not having s*x.” – hannah_s0912

24.

“The only two times I’ve told her about being catcalled she’s either blamed it on me or said something like “Well, you should be grateful. I don’t get that type of attention from men anymore.”

First time I told her I was 14 and walking home in my school uniform. The second time I was 19 and walking in the forest near my house. I don’t tell her when I get catcalled anymore.” – mother_of_squid

25.

“Somewhat similar situation. My mom’s probably an AA cup and any time I’d show ANY cleavage, it was like the world was coming to an end. When we would go clothes shopping, I was constantly told nothing would fit me because I had “no boobs like her” but then showing any skin whatsoever was inappropriate… Basically all I wore until I graduated high school was loose-fitting shirts.

She also tried to convince me that I too was an AA so until I was 18-19 I was wearing the wrong size bra. Thankfully a friend in my first year of the university took me bra fitting and turns out I was/am actually a C cup lmao.” – kierchom

26.

“One day there was a guy tutoring my younger brother and the tutor was my age. My father wanted me to socialize more with people my age so he suggested I say hi to the guy. I have social anxiety and denied the advice to which my mom commented “your response would have been understandable if you were as pretty as I used to be at your age”. And honestly, that comment haunts me every day.” – peachcookieastrid

27.

“My mom was very beautiful back in her day and had a super hot bod but she let herself go quite a bit after her kids and she weighed close to 300 pounds if not more when I was growing up.

I remember being chubby my whole childhood because she used to overfeed me and also say she was much more thinner than I was, I would get bullied about it and she said that when she was younger she would just ignore people and that I should do the same. She used to manipulate me into wearing certain things saying that if I wore it would help me lose weight like sweat pants and studd like that.

It became such a problem that now close to my 30s also I have battled with eating disorders. Even now as an adult she always comments on how fat I’ve gotten or how my clothes look unflattering sometimes. When I was pregnant she told me to stop eating ice cream or o would turn into a pig. Needless to say, I avoid her as often as possible.” – Consistent-Skirt7290

28.

“My mom absolutely refused to believe I had bigger boobs than her, I complained about being a D cup and then a DD cup and she wouldn’t buy me the correct size bra until we went to Victoria’s Secret and I got measured as a DD cup and then she thought they were upselling me to make me feel good? Turned out she had D cups too that she had been squeezing into B cups for years.” – [deleted]

29.

“My mother found some jeans from her 20s, and when I tried them on she chortled that she had been smaller in her 20s than I was in my teens.” – flyingsails

30.

“My mother was easily the most toxic person on the planet. Constantly called me a ‘dyke’ because I hated ballet and wanted to play soccer. Now as a full-grown adult she called me ‘butch’ last week for taking MMA classes to get in shape. For context, this woman looks like the Crypt Keeper and Dr. Eggman had a baby.” – [deleted]