25 Men Who Used To Be Creepy Shared How They Changed To Be Better
Margareth SPublished on
Many things differentiate humans from animals. One of those proud qualities is the ability to adapt and change. People cannot blame you for the way you were raised. Everyone’s upbringing is the responsibility of the parents or guardians involved.
But as fully functional adults with brains still capable of learning and adapting, we have the power to change. Noxious is deep-rooted in many people, including women and mothers who didn’t know better. Despite all that, these men prove that you can change. You have the ability not to let media portrayals and unhealthy relationships indulge you in those sexist and disrespectful behaviors.
We absolutely praise everyone who honestly answered on Reddit how they realized they were ‘creepy.’ Reddit user rocketbot99 also asked, “What was it that made you realize you were creepy that prompted you to change?”
Check out their stories.
“I have five sisters, and hearing them talk about something creepy a guy did really made me check my own actions. Also, I think a lot of us were just hormonal teenagers with a typical, insane libido. Getting called out normally works.” – MormonMacDaddy
“Being called out. Directly and specifically. I had absolutely no idea that there was anything off about my behavior. I thought nobody was picking up on how horny I was. I thought nobody knew. I thought I was smooth AF.
But some specific things I did were called out (touches on the arm, inappropriate topics of conversation, things like that) and I realized holy crap, I have been a total disrespectful creep. And everyone knows it. I don’t miss my teen years. Don’t miss ’em at all. On the plus side, it encouraged me to strive for a life where I’m 100% genuine and don’t want anything from anyone.” – Ohigetjokes
“Hearing women complain and thinking, ‘Oh sh**, I’ve done that.’ Seriously has helped me improve a lot of things.” – jmn242
“Talking to women, becoming friends with women, changing my circle of friends, growing up, learning empathy, and the final nail in the coffin was sobriety.” – ruberusmaximus
“I figured out that my being gay doesn’t change things. I never made a point to be careful about making women uncomfortable because I always knew I had no sexual intentions toward them, and that they didn’t need to worry about any advances or anything. Of course, that didn’t mean they knew that or, if they did, it didn’t change the fact that I’m a man and there are appropriate ways to behave around people.” – Esosorum
“I had to explain to my 50-year-old husband that young women do NOT find his interest a compliment.” – Winniemoshi
“A girl told me she wasn’t interested because I did something creepy and she felt uncomfortable about it. I had no idea it was a creep move at the time. I’d never had that feedback and I’m very happy she provided it when she could have just ghosted and moved on. I had problems understanding social situations and reading queues. I was influenced by 80’s and 90’s movies as my main educator in the ways of talking to women. My parents were available but my anxiety prevented me from asking and they failed to insist.
So I wasn’t born with the ability to read social situations well, I was provided with no map beyond coke-fueled Hollywood and my mindset was one of competition to “win” the woman prize rather than simply being with this person and getting to know them as a person.” – Parictis
“I’m guilty of this, though naively and innocently so. This sounds weird to me now, but I actually grew up in a household that valued back neck. and shoulder rubs. I did this for a long, long time to people I was friends with, men and women. In my head, it was just a way of saying I cared.
In retrospect, it undoubtedly gave of a super-creepy vibe. I stopped once I saw it in context of someone else doing it to a woman, and her facial reaction to it. Then it just clicked: Oh… OHH… wow, that’s inappropriate…” – virgilreality
“My brother used to catcall women ALL THE TIME until once when I was with him. He was driving, I was the passenger, and he yelled out to a woman in another car about how hot she looked. I turned to him and said very casually yet matter-of-factly, “You know, women hate it when men talk to us like that. It’s not flattering, it’s objectifying and disrespectful.” He got quiet, his eyes glazed over, and I saw him taking in what I’d just said. It had simply never occurred to him that what he was doing could be seen as anything other than flattering. He never ever did it again, and I saw him grow into an extremely respectful person over the next couple of years.” – Barfignugen
“Learning that pick-up artistry is a massive grift meant to gamify social interactions with women for men who are socially isolated. Every pick-up artist tactic is just weird toxic emotional abuse. Not only does it not work, if it DID work it would be morally abhorrent to do it.
It was a steep slide for me from being a toxic Reddit weirdo men’s rights activist to being a full-on feminist once I learned the truth about pick-up artistry. Once you realize there is an entire scam industry built around tricking lonely men into emotionally manipulating women, you start questioning other stuff about masculinity and society.” – Weird_Mood_6790
“I used to do that smirk thing when talking with women. I thought it projected confidence but then someone I worked with told me I should watch the creeper vibe, so I had to take a hard look at my mannerisms. Man, that must have been scary and off-putting. I’m sorry that I did that, everyone.” – trytorememberthisone
“It was this dude that tried to confess to the girl he liked by going to her apartment and make her dinner with candles, flowers, and all that sh**. But then the girl came home and the first thing she said was, ‘Are you going to kill me?'” – ilovthebooty
“Growing self-awareness that I wasn’t the center of the goddamn universe. Went through a chasing-potential-girlfriends-too-hard phase in my earlier adult years, including mistaking simple offers of friendship and work colleague status for actual interest. It wasn’t a “stalking” level, and it never reached the point of discipline (or even commenting), but it was probably to the point of being a little unprofessional and uncomfortable for the girl involved.
That was decades ago, and I’m now with a company that doesn’t tolerate that sort of thing.” – the_original_Retro
“I went out drinking with a bunch of my fellow Marines. We were all in our early to mid twenties and some of us were very good looking (not me). At the end of the night only one of us had gotten any numbers and that one guy had gotten several. He was like 5’6″ (167cm) and more or less looked like a 12 year old. Took me a while to figure out why this was the case. When I realized that he was the only one of us that didn’t look dangerous a lot of things started making sense.” – metabeliever
“They aren’t laughing because I’m funny, they’re laughing because they’re scared.” kirixen
“Ohh. Man, it took me recognizing I was addicted to alcohol, tobacco, pornography, and sex. I had been aggressive toward women and objectifying them since I was a child. I think this happened because I was exposed to sex at such a young age. I thought all relationships were supposed to be how movies and shows were so I just emulated what I saw.
Once I got sober I realized how much of a monster I was and took the necessary steps to really implement change in my life. Lots of therapy. Lots of crying. Self-reflection as to why I was emulating that specific behavior, and quitting my addictions. It’s been a journey, but I’m happy to say I’ve been in a loving committed relationship with proper boundaries for a year now.” – Ghetto_Pinocchio
“Reading many many posts on Reddit about how pervasive of a problem it is for women to have men leer or subject them to microaggressions. Hearing it all named, and hearing how unsettling it is for people, made me re-examine some of my behavior towards women. Please do keep taking about it, it works! I sometimes hear “how do men not know about this”. Some don’t, but it’s constantly being discussed and part of the collective consciousness, then they will.” – increasinglybold
“One of the most eye-opening adages that helped me immensely was: Men are afraid women will reject them; women are afraid men will kill them. That helped me to change my interactions in a way that was less likely to set off alarm bells in a woman’s mind.
Also, I learned to recognize when it’s not clicking and back off immediately (no matter what). I have always been a romantic though, and I strongly believe that bold displays of interest in the courtship phase are the foundation of a healthy relationship.” – CrushHazard
“I had what I can only call a grand moment of realization. There was a girl who I was acquainted with, and she was obviously, obsessively, and weirdly into me. Being at the state of peak neckbeard that I was, I was desperate for a girlfriend. But for whatever reason I was not into the idea. I knew her too well, and although she was interested in me, I was NOT interested in her.
I spent a long time thinking about whether I should start seeing this girl I wasn’t attracted to… then it clicked for me: Sometimes people just aren’t into you. That’s okay, and it’s actually a good thing not to have to say yes to a relationship just because someone thinks they’re qualified to date you. That moment back in 2009 changed my perspective so much, and I was able to realize that other people have and deserve their own autonomy.” – _The_Cracken
“I used to have this older man always flirt & be unprofessional towards me at work when I first started, I was around 24 years old. After i had enough of his weird comments & flirting, I told him that he has a daughter the same age as me (which was true because he’d talk about his family at times) and that how would he like it if some older man was talking to his daughter like that and making sexual comments to her. He became less weird and flirtatious and more “regular” holding normal conversations. He moved shifts so I don’t even see him anymore.” – pwa09
“When I broke up with my first serious girlfriend, I was totally heartbroken. I called her all the time, cried on the phone. I even threatened to kill myself and told her so. This went on for some time. Eventually, I threatened again to kill myself and went to bed drunk. I woke up to a voicemail from her crying her eyes out begging me not to do it.
I was so ashamed of my behavior. I realized in that message what I had become. It was absolutely her right, as it was mine, to end a relationship at any time for any reason, without being hounded and traumatized by the ex. I was evil and toxic.
I apologized and promised never to do it again. After that, I left her alone. I was still heartbroken, but I found comfort in my friends, and in activities and hobbies instead. I had several failed relationships after her, but I never again treated a woman this way. This was over fifteen years ago and now I am married. I have been tempted many times to contact her and apologize some more for my behavior, but the truth is, she is better off without me in her life. I hope she is well.” – Fire_The_Torpedo2011
“I was 18 working at Six Flags. We got a new coworker at the ride I was mainly at and I took a liking to her instantly. I tried talking with her constantly and “cutely” blocked her path multiple times. This was all on her first day. The next she didn’t show back up. That’s when I realized I had harassed her, all she wanted to do is just work and get some extra cash and I added stupid stress to that.
I don’t interact with coworkers like that anymore. Even if I think I could have a chance, I leave them alone on that level.” – TehPharaoh
“I wasn’t being actively creepy, but… I used to think cat-calling was just flirtatious compliments, and who doesn’t like those, right? >.> I never cat-called anybody, largely because that’s not my personality type. But now I live by the motto: Never say something to a stranger that you wouldn’t want a big guy saying to you in prison.” – Luckboy28
“I had ruined 2 friendships in a week cause I was getting blackout drunk and trying to sleep with them. That’s also what made me realize alcohol is terrible.” – strange1738
“I’m not the creeper. My friend Jeff was. We were out at a bar with a band playing and he walked up to a girl and brushed her hair and how he explains it, started to say you have beautiful hair, he got punched in the face by the girl and kicked out of the bar. We met him at the car after about 10 minutes of realizing he was gone. Blood all over his face and just ashamed. I was with my wife and we were both confused as to why he would touch a stranger. He is now married and not a creeper. That was the night that opened his eyes to realize that women are equals and not toys.” – Roofchop